I am sick. I don’t mean that metaphorically. I’ve got another bad cold and it really sucks. One of these where I feel worse when I lay down, which is particularly annoying because since I’m sick I just want to lay down a lot. I decided I would look over the previous posts and comments on this blog and compile all the lightbulb jokes I found, as way to brighten my spirits. (HA!)
Here they are.
1. How many creationists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they’re waiting for god to do it.
2. How many evolutionists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they’re waiting for it to do it itself.
3. How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
That’s not funny.
4. How many union electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. It’s in the contract.
5. How many Deleuzians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A non-denumerable set.
6. How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and another to hold the penis – uh, I mean, the ladder!
7. How many members of U2 does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. Bono holds the lightbulb, and the world revolves around him.
8. How many members of the RCP does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them: one to hold the lightbulb, the rest to make the world revolution.
9. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A fish
10. How many MCSEs (Microsoft Certified Software Engineers) does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness ™ to be the new industry standard.
11. How many skinheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to change it and four to watch his back.
12. How many punks does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, punks never change anything.
13. How many Lutherans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Change? What’s that?
14. How many anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the lightbulb must be smashed!
15. How many scenesters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What, you mean you don’t know?
The above were generated here. I made this one up the other day, with someone else:
16. How many historians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it and one to complicate the narrative.
I found this one online just now:
17. How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?
None. There’s nothing wrong with that light bulb. There is no need to change anything. We made the right decision and nothing has happened to change our minds. People who criticize this light bulb now, just because it doesn’t work anymore, supported us when we first screwed it in, and when these flip-floppers insist on saying that it is burned out, they are merely giving aid and encouragement to the Forces of Darkness.
I also found these sites containing many more which I will archive here when I get time:
http://consc.net/misc/lightbulb.html
http://www.spanthatworld.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?=&p=5241
http://theconnexion.net/wp/?p=2995
I was at a bar after a meeting a while back and met this guy who knows some people I know and we got to talking, he’s all into eco stuff and I’m all class reductionist but we bonded over drunken lightbulb joke exchanges. We decided to do a publication compiling all the jokes we can find. We will fall it Filament. Ideally it will have arty photos of lightbulbs.
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None.
The light bulb’s own internal contradictions will inevitably lead to “revolution”.
how many Badiousians does it take to change a light bulb?
none, the void is the consistency of the light bulb’s natural presentation.
ehh? not very funny, i will try harder.
How many Negrians does it take to change a light bulb?
Its already changed, into an immaterial form.
better?
Many have prob seen these before, but I couldn’t hold myself back…
10 “Hey sweet thang, wanna dictate my proletariat?”
9 “My revolutionary Party has a huge, militant membership – wanna lesson in Entryism?”
8 “Is your father a commisar of production and distribution? Because he surely expropriated some bourgeois diamonds for your eyes”
7 “Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do you need to be broken of your false consciousness by the vanguard since without us you’re only capable of trade union consciousness?”
6 “Hey baby, If I said you had a peasantry capable of being led by a tiny working class would you hold it against me?”
5 “Wanna see my bra? It’s a size (Provisional)CC”
4 “Trotsky was all for women’s lib, you know… have you heard of Nadezhda Krupskaya?”
3 “Is that a deflected permanent revolution in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?”
2 “Like my hairstyle? I’ve done it up like a pimp…”
1 “Are you a girl? Please will you talk to me. I promise not to mention Trotsky”
Sorry, those are the top ten trotskyist pick up lines for those not in the know.
Ok one from work,
How many social workers does it taketo change a lightbulb?
only one but the lightbulb must really want to change
A sleepless night has spawned a new one, How many STWC marchers does it take to change a light bulb? They havn’t worked out that marching past and shouting at it isn’t really going to work there.
how many white guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. White guys will screw anything.
What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can always unscrew a lightbulb.
Hw many gods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They don’t exist!
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but its a really tight fit.
How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they don’t get the house.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they’d rather sit in the dark.
how many anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?
none. it’s not the lightbulb but the whole fucking system that needs to be changed!
I like that anarchist one. How’s this -
how many revolutionaries does it take to change a lightbulb?
We will not be misdirected into incremental reforms!