A joke that’s not very good – duh, obviously.

I have this idea which, if I don’t mind me saying so, is super SUPER SUPER SUPER great: write a stand up comedy routine that’s not funny.

Here’s what I got.

Thanks everybody, thanks. It’s great to be here. I haven’t performed in a while. The last time the audience rushed the stage and forced me to stop. It was a regular laugh riot! Ha! But seriously folks, I’m a traditionalist. I do pretty old fashioned style of comedy. For instance, I like to tell light bulb jokes. For instance, how many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? (Pause – 1. 2. 3.) One. I mean hell, I can change a light bulb and I didn’t go a trade school, so if a guy can rewire a whole house he shouldn’t need any help. Am I right? Huh? But anyway, why would you want to hire an electrician just to change a light bulb? You’d have to be pretty rich to afford that. Or pretty stupid! Like I said, even I can change a light bulb and I _am_ pretty stupid. Ask my wife! And even if you really didn’t know how to change it, I’m sure you could find instructions on the internet. But I guess it’d be hard to use a computer in the dark. Ha! Speaking of in the dark, I’m having an affair and my wife doesn’t have a _clue_. Don’t tell her! Oh no I forgot she was here! Hi honey! Uh oh, I’m really in the dog house now. You know what I’m saying fellas? Huh? I better get myself a flea collar. Or maybe I better just flee! Cuz she’s gonna beat my ass now, and I don’t mean erotic spanking! Ha!

[I have another bit that’s like a ghost story about a funeral home with a possessed coffin. It’s really long. The punch line is “then she pulled out the cough drops and stopped the coffin!” I could write it up but the point is just to tell a long long ghost story that ends abrubtly with a bad pun.]