I am sick. I don’t mean that metaphorically. I’ve got another bad cold and it really sucks. One of these where I feel worse when I lay down, which is particularly annoying because since I’m sick I just want to lay down a lot. I decided I would look over the previous posts and comments on this blog and compile all the lightbulb jokes I found, as way to brighten my spirits. (HA!)

Here they are.

1. How many creationists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they’re waiting for god to do it.

2. How many evolutionists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they’re waiting for it to do it itself.

3. How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
That’s not funny.

4. How many union electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. It’s in the contract.

5. How many Deleuzians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A non-denumerable set.

6. How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and another to hold the penis – uh, I mean, the ladder!

7. How many members of U2 does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. Bono holds the lightbulb, and the world revolves around him.

8. How many members of the RCP does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them: one to hold the lightbulb, the rest to make the world revolution.

9. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A fish

10. How many MCSEs (Microsoft Certified Software Engineers) does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness ™ to be the new industry standard.

11. How many skinheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to change it and four to watch his back.

12. How many punks does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, punks never change anything.

13. How many Lutherans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Change? What’s that?

14. How many anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the lightbulb must be smashed!

15. How many scenesters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What, you mean you don’t know?

The above were generated here. I made this one up the other day, with someone else:

16. How many historians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it and one to complicate the narrative.

I found this one online just now:

17. How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?

None. There’s nothing wrong with that light bulb. There is no need to change anything. We made the right decision and nothing has happened to change our minds. People who criticize this light bulb now, just because it doesn’t work anymore, supported us when we first screwed it in, and when these flip-floppers insist on saying that it is burned out, they are merely giving aid and encouragement to the Forces of Darkness.

I also found these sites containing many more which I will archive here when I get time:

http://consc.net/misc/lightbulb.html

http://www.spanthatworld.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?=&p=5241

http://theconnexion.net/wp/?p=2995

I was at a bar after a meeting a while back and met this guy who knows some people I know and we got to talking, he’s all into eco stuff and I’m all class reductionist but we bonded over drunken lightbulb joke exchanges. We decided to do a publication compiling all the jokes we can find. We will fall it Filament. Ideally it will have arty photos of lightbulbs.

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