No wait, I don’t want them! Stupid fucking words. Useless damn things…!

I’m angry. And I’m upset and scared, for a friend, and feeling just a bit guilty.

My friend did nothing wrong legally or morally, actually my friend was doing something legally protected and morally right and got hurt in the process. My friend sought legal recourse, which I encouraged along with a few other people. As it turns out my friend got hurt worse than anyone initially thought (like permanent life long injury, potentially, and there’s been many long months of chronic pain).

AND as it turns out the legal recourse may bring about greater financial hardship because the FUCKING SO-CALLED JUSTICE SYSTEM IS FUCKED. Fucked to a degree shocking even to someone like me who sort figures that you know, like, powerful people step on the rest of us like insects – that is, they trample us indifferently except when acting for sport – and their lackeys in the judiciary applaud as it happens. Or perhaps it’s shocking because I think that but at a gut level expect better for some reason. I don’t know. Anyways it’s fucked, that’s what I’m saying, and I’m not comfortable to even lay this shit out here directly, because I’m scared of fucking up the legal whatsits. Bastards.

Feeling at a dead end – not even swearing helps! what the fuck?! – I take refuge in bitter fantasy and fantasizing allusion: I wish cancer on the people responsible for this hardship, were I religious I would pray for it. The grapes of wrath are filling and growing heavy, growing heavy for the vintage.

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