I’m gonna go big with the resolutions this year. I’m gonna evolve like early hominids who encounter a mysterious black monolith.

Here’s a start:

I’m gonna get in, like, REALLY REALLY good shape. Running and whatnot.

I’m gonna start working on my Italian again and I’m gonna get it good enough to read novels.

I’m gonna finish volumes 2 and 3 of Capital.

I’m gonna reserve the right to make further resolutions as I see fit.