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Myself. Duh.

I was writing about a record I like and it occurred to me I like music that’s overwrought and self-involved, but only to some degree and that has a sense of self-awareness, a sort of ‘I know I’m being dramatic right now and I’m embarrassed about that, but I can’t help it!’ sentiment. That thought took me to an E.B. White quote that I don’t recall exactly, something about how he was quite interested in himself, and had the good sense to find that comical and embarrassing. I may have made that up other than the part about being self-involved, and in a way that would be even more self-involved than quoting White. I’m uncomfortable with my own self-absorption and my discomfort is another facet of (another repetition of) my self-absorption. I’m reading a Jonathan Franzen essay collection at the moment, called Farther Away. In it he discusses David Foster Wallace, who he describes as trapped on the island of himself, while Franzen seems to both want to be alone and to explore or make himself and also to be around and connected to others. Franzen’s might be a more interpersonal self-absorption, rather than cutting off from others it’s ‘attention me! I’m a big deal!’ I relate to that, in the moving both toward and away from other people, wanting both connection and aloneness, while fearing both vulnerability and loss of self in others as well as isolation and being lost only in one’s self.

Thinking some pre-writing thoughts (or pre-typing, I can’t write so much as type) I had the thought that I have an impulse to write myself down and to write myself a new self, and that this is all quite self-absorbed, since my actual life happens away from typing. More simply all of this comparison of myself to famous people and people who actually do and make things is also quite self-absorbed. I had the impulse to write several self-deprecating comments to follow, but I’m swallowing that.

Am also caught up in music and loving music and feeling a mix of nostalgia for my older relationships with music, anxious about my current ‘it’s complicated, and maybe we should talk about where we see thing going’ relationship status with music. One of my college professors once stopped mid-lecture and asked ‘do you ever get depressed because there’s so much great rock and roll in the world and you know how little of it you’ll ever get to actually hear?’ I didn’t get it at the time, I took it as a quirky way to wake the class up, but now I totally get it.

Quick note on something that annoys me: when people are like “let’s criticize [name of some ideology]” then give a really overgeneralized statement of that ideology. A social system like capitalism has a social logic that is subject to criticism, though there are important limits to the use of general social-systemic criticisms (because we don’t live in capitalism-in-general, we live in a particular time and place in a particular version of capitalism). Ideologies like marxism and anarchism don’t. They don’t have a logic so much as a grab bag of qualities built up over time. Most adherents to an ideology disagree with what’s actually in that grab bag too, so really they’re composed of clouds of grab bags that have roughly and only roughly similar labels written on them. This is why criticism of a particular -ism falls flat when that criticism operates at a general level of “this -ism is like THIS.” Instead people should quote, summarize and paraphrase, and name people and criticize the ideas in those quotes and summaries. That way the criticisms are actually valid and hit their targets.

Of course, more general terms are very useful for constituting a scene and a scene-based identity.

Notes on Peter Frase, “Stay Classy.” Read the rest of this entry »

Dear [book] (it doesn’t seem right to name names publicly like this, I’m already unsure about airing something so personal in this way),

We’ve been together, off and on, for quite a long time now. Read the rest of this entry »

A friend draws a comic I like (and more importantly, that my older daughter likes). Occasionally small creatures called doldrums come around to sap the energy of people; cats drive off the doldrums and save the humans. (For a while my kid would play-act this, imagining herself a cat driving off doldrums, an image more accurate than she understands.) Doldrum levels have been pretty high lately for me. Today I looked up the definition of the term for the first time. The etymology of the word includes a reference to sea travel – the doldrums as becoming calmed at sea, no more winds to provide motor power, leaving you just floating. I started to write ‘floating aimlessly’, that’s the feeling but not the old term – doldrums in the ocean-going sense is loss of ability to make forward motion. Doldrums in the metaphorical sense is more loss of both direction and motive force, losing the map, compass, and goal as well as the energy to get… wherever. I could imagine this as a kind of greying out, like the Kansas scenes in the Wizard of Oz, turning colorless. I suppose the Wizard of Oz is another sort of metaphor here, Dorothy’s shoes, the ability to move is there all along, the feeling of being trapped is a matter of being trapped by that feeling itself. Another metaphor I often think about for this is exercise. The first 10 or so minutes of a run are mostly about shedding the impulse not to run. After outrunning that impulse the run gets good, I’m in motion and feeling good about being in motion. The urge to stop may occasionally catch up but it’s easier to keep in motion than it is to start moving. My bouldering partners and I have started ending our climbs with circuits where we do a hard route, a second hard route, then the first hard route again, with no rests between them other than the time it takes to walk the ten feet or so between climbs. We finish each route out of breath with muscles tired, and because we’re tired the climbs get sloppy – feet slipping, just grabbing whatever we can make contact with, no elegance of technique. The hardest moments are when I have to get back on the wall after my feet slip, and when I have to start the next climb after walking over. Starting the third climb is the worst. In a way it’s the rest that makes it hardest, because that means having to break out of rest and into motion again. That this is so hard is part of why I like climbing circuits. Well, “like” is the wrong word. After finishing a circuit and recovering I feel very satisfied in part because I feel good about having overcome my impulse away from activity. It feels good to defeat the doldrums. Unfortunately those wins are only ever episodes, and the next episode never feels like a guaranteed win, but in those later episodes I can still look back at the past episodes to remind myself that I can break into motion. Retaining or re-inventing that sense of possibility (the possibility of possibility?) is crucial.

Motivation drought continues. One way to deal with this is to ask myself, what do I want to know that I don’t currently? What do I want to think more about?

In no particular order:
– climate change
— the various IPCC reports
— the various centers studying the issue, industry publications on the issue, and national gov’t reports

– social structure of accumulation theory (I’ve read a lot on this but I need to write something on it so I can retain what I’ve read)

– a richer idea of ‘left-wing of capital’

– more on abolitionism

– more on finance

I’m tired and sick and that’s bullshit but I’m on my third glass of orange juice and that’s making me feel better, in part because I put a big bunch of vodka in this third glass and that has medicinal properties that enhance the power of the vitamin C. I read that on the internet on a reputable site here.

I’ve been saying this a lot lately in various settings for various reasons. We live in a fucked up pyramid shaped society, made out of fucked up pyramid shaped institutions, and shit rolls down hill. When a bucket of shit lands on you, it’s hard not to turn and dump it on someone below you. Not doing so is really hard and sometimes may be impossible. Trying not to do so is hard and requires moral character. People who don’t try not to do so eventually start to tell themselves stories about their actions and who they are, so they can feel better about their decisions, and truly fucked up people begin to enjoy dumping shit on the people below them. Creating a new society that’s not pyramid shaped will require overturning a lot of the smaller institutions of our society, and will also require cultivating different individual moral and collective cultural impulses. That cultivation has to happen as part of the processes of social remaking we want, and has to be part of the ongoing efforts at this remaking now.

Notes for what I hope will later become a more finished libcom blog post.

I’m having trouble starting this blog post, I always have trouble starting the ones that involve more of a risk. The more I know what to say, the easier it is to say it. The less I know what to say, the harder it is.

I have several things on my mind as I start this blog post.
1) Something an older comrade said to me back when I was excited about a small marxist group called the Johnson-Forest Tendency: “I think the reason a lot of us found them exciting is that they were a kind of ongoing seminar in marxist thought, one that didn’t happen in a university setting. That intellectual dynamism is attractive.” I think that’s definitely part of it.
2) A remark Joseph Kay made at some point in the libcom forums, namely that maybe the internet is facilitating conversation in a way that means some of the activities that are often associated with political organizations – correspondence among radicals, collective discussion, and providing access to political writing – can happen outside of those organizations now to a higher degree.
3) A remark in an article by Adam Weaver and Scott Nappalos about movement institutions that generate writing (I generally disagree with the article in that it claims formal political organizations are necessary, but I like that bit about setting up different sorts of initiatives.
4) A metaphor that I got from some old Maoist. There’s organization building and there’s movement building. Or to put it another way, there’s work aimed at a specific organism and there’s work aimed at the social ecosystem.
5) Another metaphor: marketplace of ideas. The metaphor is about advocating for ideas in order to win people over. That’s an imperfect metaphor to be sure but it’s a start. I’m interested in how people move to become a certain kind of consumer – how do people come to want to read and to actually read some of the sorts of writing that are around on the left – and how people move from consumer to producer – how do people come to be more active participants.
6) The recent issue of Viewpoint on workers’ inquiry. I’m skeptical about some of that workers inquiry and militant research stuff at this point, but the element of collective intellectual work by movement people is appealing.
7) Some remarks by Engels about trying to do historical inquiry, and particularly inquiry into recent/current events, and how that’s difficult! (I quote these here: And this quote from Lenin, “that which constitutes the very gist, the living soul, of Marxism [is] a concrete analysis of a concrete situation.” (Lenin’s quotable, despite his bad politics.) Particularly in light of Perry Anderson’s book Considerations on Western Marxism, which I read sometime last year and really enjoyed (notes here: It could be described in part as a sort of how many marxists lost that ‘living soul’. (And how much of marxism became a kind of giant baby – great big head, speech very hard to understand, arms and legs uncoordinated, and both captivated by observing the relatively obvious and furious at its inability to move effectively. On the soul thing… what’s the name for a thing that moves without a soul? Zombie? Capitalist?) Of course that ‘living soul’ has to relate to a lot of other elements, including more abstract and narrowly theoretical concerns. I’m thinking here of a quote from E.P. Thompson, something to the effect of history doesn’t apply theory, it reconstructs it. Anyway, that ‘living soul’ should be there and I think is under-represented today – and it’s really hard to actually do!
8) An ongoing conversation with some small handfuls of friends and the occasional online discussion at libcom and on Facebook, about what we’ve called ‘militant reformism’ and more broadly some concerns about how to understand the present political moment and what are some plausible short term futures. In a nutshell, some friends and I think that reformist organizations are capable of acting in surprisingly democratic and militant ways, and that it’s possible that capitalism could be renewed economically and politically, and both will pose challenges to anticapitalists. If things play out in the way we think is possible (and the point isn’t to predict the future so much as to say that some comrades have ruled out some possibilities too quickly), it will proceed like this: a phase where austerity and repression are the dominant ideas and practices (during this phase calls for reform will not get much traction outside the far left and some nondominant parts of the capitalist class and their ideologues and politicians, that nondominant status in turn will encourage greater legitimacy for these ideas in the far left; these ideas may also get some traction in fighting organizations/movements); a phase of experimentation at the local/municipal/county/state-or-province level (during this phase reformist ideas will get more traction in official institution), tied to greater legitimacy for experiments on different perspectives tided to various constituencies (industries, political affiliations/ideologies, etc); a phase of greater openness to these perspectives at the federal level and the level of the capitalist class as a whole. We haven’t talked about it this way much but I’m beginning to think this is a process of how the capitalist class becomes once again a conscious political subject moving a programmatic agenda and how the state gets more organized programmatically. Or alternatively, this is a matter of how specific class fractions and their affiliated individual ideologues and politicians, fractions which are currently not dominant, come to contest the current dominant perspective and leadership. All of this relates to narrowly economic matters but isn’t reducible to them.
9) Aufheben’s recent article Reclaim the State Debate. In the article Aufheben calls for radical thinking that tries to feedback into practice rather than theory for it’s own sake, and suggests that this is unlikely to happen via academic writing. The Aufheben article is also about something on my mind a lot lately, namely how to understand the capitalist state.
10) What this adds up to: I’m hesitant to tell anyone what to do but I’d like to see more sustained conversation in some kind of collective way on these themes and how they might inform practice, if we can see practical takeaways currently (other than propagandizing). This is because I care about the substance but also because I care about the format – how can a diffuse cloud of us get better at deciding to take on issues and thinking through them collectively? I can imagine this could proceed in a few ways. One is sort of top down or abstract to concrete or from reading outward: basically read some stuff, theoretical, historical, and relevant contemporary material, on the state and the state-capital relationship, and discuss it – and try to write stuff that gets the ideas out in circulation among people who won’t or haven’t yet read the material. Another is to begin from the bottom up or from the concrete and experiential into writing: asking questions like how do we encounter the state and capital in our lives and experiences, in doing political activity and otherwise, and writing on that. Connected to both is looking at current developments to try and track the current life of the institutions and society we live under.

At the end of 2011 I started blogging at libcom.

It’s funny that I started that two years ago. I think my sense of time has changed as I’ve gotten older, because it seems like that was both longer ago and not as long ago. Weird. Anyway, two years. Neat.

I write Blog 1578:

I am proud to say that Blog 1578 is easily one of the 2000 best blogs at libcom.


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